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Shaye is coming over in about an hour. I woke up in the worst mood but I am better now and I just can't wait to have my arms around her. My room is clean, Lily's cage is clean, I'm clean. My mouth is not clean...yet. Finishing this coffee! Mom bought breakfast home and surprised me with an iced coffee. Last night she offered to take me to get an energy drink. Mom, you are supplying an addict. Caffeine! I have never been addicted to caffeine before. Last year I had an energy drink for the first time...ended up double fisting through the entire night. Better than alcohol. See, they were free and I had three of them in an hour.

The Lewistunning Dragapalooza is tonight! I bet Conrad thought of that name. Fucking Mimi Imfurst is going to be there. I haven't seen that girl in 3+ years. Rhianna and I are going with Mom and tomorrow the two of us are hitching back to Portland. I'm spending the night with Jessy and depending on the way time with Shaye goes today depends on what will happen. I love the Bangarang! I have some extra cash from returning textbooks yesterday. Alcohol, perhaps? I love being in Lewiston with Rhianna by my side. I'm sooo happy we're talking with each other again. Bunny Wonderland and the Kings of the Hill...tonight is going to be something beautiful.
06 May 2009 @ 02:36 pm
Same-sex marriage approved in Maine today.
06 May 2009 @ 12:09 pm
PRYSM was more fun than I expected it to be last night. I had an energy drink and was very social. I talked with everyone without hesitation. Even those I had never met before or never really talked with before. Max and I ran around with Mudkip Smashers. We lined up and all endured the whole Caramelldansen song (actually, by the end of it, it was only Soleil, Fox and I). We had a group dance to videos of Bing Bang, Hare Hare Yukai and Sailor Uniform. Summer is coming. The otakus are coming out to play. Max and I may be performing for prom (Joanna is going to call me today). We'll do Angry Inch on a budget. I'm going to talk to Bunny about a wig. I'm speaking at PRYSM on Tuesday! Cory is coming to visit on Monday! Drag show on Saturday! Cooking for Shaye on Saturday! Rhianna and I hitch for the first time on Sunday (we've been meaning to for...a year) but I just remembered that's Mother's Day now I don't know if I should. I love my Mom! :( I need to make another call...

On Valentine's Day, while still drunk, I stole a bouquet of roses from Hannaford. Just walked out the front door. I think I should drink again beforehand to calm my nerves and get her some flowers this time, too!

Things not allowed at PRYSM:
-Making out (even outside).
-Dance parties (even between 6-9).
-Underage smoking.
-Beach balls?!

I think I need a new place to go.

A CEO came to tell us last night that a man donated money to PRYSM. I walked up to her and asked her what it went to. She told me things like salaries and the snacks provided every week. Kay...everything was cool before and we weren't at risk of shutting down or anything due to financial issues. PRYSM is a youth organization...shouldn't we have a say in what happens to those dollars?

Also...no making out? We're queer youth. Some of those kids there don't have anywhere else safe to show affection toward each other. Now they can't in a place intended to make them safe and comfortable? Kay, I understand no making out IN the building, but outside, too? Seriously?

I'm waiting for Joanna to call...
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: Back to Bed-Boyskout
04 May 2009 @ 11:34 pm
Beautiful, intelligent, caring, affectionate...

Sigh. What a crush.
03 May 2009 @ 02:25 pm
Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!
03 May 2009 @ 10:05 am
I think weed is killing my memory. I mean, it was bad before but it's gotten worse and I have been smoking more in the past month or more than I have in my whole life. Sometimes I can't even remember what I did yesterday. I have to stop doing everything and seriously concentrate on remembering.
Things I have done since I last updated:
-Had a victorious weekend at the Youth Activism Gathering. Saw Jessy and clawed at him. Saw Conrad thrash around in a wedding dress. Jordan O' Jordan and Dave End were introduced into my life.
-Spent the night with Shaye on the beach.
-Went to a dance with Max. Met a vampire, talked with our favorite drag queen and swooned at the belly dancers. Ate free popcorn and bobbed for apples. Sang Start Wearing Purple up Congress.
-Watched Lazytown on a flatscreen while Toby's boyfriend blew bubbles around me.
-Traveled around unknown rural Maine with Mom and ate at Dad's Country Diner.
-Watched Lazytown all day.
-Met Ani Fucking Difranco again! What a good show.
-Completed a really boring 7 page essay in 5 hours.
-Saw Hannah and Harper in Tommy's Park!
-Went to a dance party at Coyle Street and came back with crusty eyes. Got neck kissed by a cute drunk punk and then had to leave immediately after.
-Stood really close to a huge train.
-Got the highest I have ever been in my life and went to Denny's with Lauren, Summer, Violet and Rhianna after we had the most epic case of munchies.
-Possibly had Swine Flu.

Aaaaah life. Eventful and not too bad!
Current Mood: fragrant
Current Music: Lazytown Megamix
"Having fun is what it's all about!" The 15 year old girl dressed from head to toe in various shades of pink threw her arms out above her head and flashed her pearly while smile ethusiastically. It would officially be the last time she would ever lip sync that signature song of her character, Stephanie. The tinny sound of the set bell rang out and she pulled off her bubblegum pink wig. "Good job, Julie," she heard the familiar voice behind her followed by a wide warm hand patting her lower back. The muscular blue man in spandex smiled and brushed past her, as she pulled her damp wavy long brown locks from her sweaty scalp. He was in the process of pulling the thin, pointy black moustache from the sensative skin above his upper lip as he turned to face her. "Thanks", she smiled, sweetly. Already everything was ending and she was already beginning to feel a hollowness within herself.
Words of congratulations directly mostly toward her, Stephan and Magnus echoed throughout the soundstage. Though she reacted accordingly when someone spoke to her, her head was somewhere else. She watched the way Magnus interacted with everyone. The way he exchanged hugs, chuckles and smiles. They were all congratulating him on the success and conclusion of his baby, his creation, Lazytown. A bouquet of pink gerber daises were thrust into Jullianna's arms and she didn't even notice who put them there or for how long they had been there. She had lost concept of time. Her eyes were focused solely on Magnus. For years she had developed a strong friendship and a deep bond with the older man. Side-by-side they danced and sang together. They traveled all over the planet together and spent hours of undocumented time enjoying each other's company. They had become a real life Stephanie and Sportacus.
In the beginning when she first met Magnus, she started to see him as a father figure. She felt safe and protected around him. She was able to comfortably joke and play with him. As the young girl began to develop and mature into her adolescence while Lazytown was in production (in fact she had received her first period in between takes) he view of him changed. On set while they were off camera, she'd catch herself spaced out eyeing the baby blue bulge between Magnus's legs. She just couldn't help it! She didn't even know when she began looking. A natural curiosity had just begun to sprout as hormones began to surge through her young female body.

That's all I have for now! I will be writing all weekend (school essays, sadly) but let me know if you're interested in anymore!
16 December 2008 @ 11:04 am
This is a dream I had last night. As soon as I regained enough consciousness to call out to my Mom, I did. I proceeded to tell her all about it in a very groggy, half-awake fashion. Now here it is in more detail and in bigger words. If you like Harry Potter, dreams where you're flying and magical things...read on.

Twin Sister Orphans Escape from Rose City

Two orphaned sisters reside in Rose City. It is named this because all the buildings constructed are from a color of brick that is a faded red and sometimes almost pink. There are castles and towers and the orphanage and school is conjoined and is a cross between Hogwart's and a fairy tale princess' castle. There aren't any roses in Rose City. There is barely anything beautiful at all to the girls living there. To ensure that they don't escape, the entire city has a tall brick wall surrounding it. Everything is covered in red brick dust. Only adults are allowed to leave and return and the whole city must be aware of their departure. They are nervous that someone might try to sneak one of the orphans away to the outside world. I wouldn't say they are in the same shape as Annie was. They're just sad because they are orphaned and cannot leave the position. Someone adopts them from inside the city since there aren't any outsiders allowed.

The two orphaned twin sisters look like this:

They have it rougher than other girls at the orphanage. There is a professor there, and while it is an all-girl's school, there are male professors and those of higher authority. There is one who has taken particular interest in the girls for less than pure reasons and most of his time is spent trying to get them alone in his office or to harass them and find ways to get them in trouble. They have a poor reputation because of this teacher though it is one constructed of lies. They are very miserable and traumatized by the molestation and abuse that takes place. Since they live there with him, they are in constant fear and oppression. This is him:

His assistant aids him in getting the girls alone and acts as his spy. He looks like this:

One day the sisters are walking to the edge of the forest, hands clasped, long dusty dresses blowing in the wind, hair in two braids each.  On the other of the forest is the brick wall. They look up at the sky and both see a bird, flying to where it pleases, free on the breeze. 'I wish we could be that way', remarks one sister. The other one's feet rise, shakily, a few inches from the ground. The sisters are speechless and astonished. 'If we have the will...maybe...' and she begins to rise. The will become so strong in the sister older by only a few minutes that she rises feet off of the ground. Her hand pulls and breaks away from her sister, who was only able to manage a few inches.
Soon she is effortlessly hovering above her sister, arms spread, twirling in the air. She giggles and motions for her still-speechless sister to join her. She begins to wish more than anything that she could fly far, far away from this place without any roses and it's very deceiving name. She never wants to be touched by the man with the long black robes again. He's a monster to her. She begins to rise. She floats up and grasps her sister's hand again. They begin to squeeze each other's hands very tightly, harnessing enough energy to take off into the horizon.

One day shortly after, they decide to come back and visit. Just to see it once more. To suspend high up in the sky and enjoy their freedom. As they are flying, the younger sister thinks she sees the robed man's face in a window. Memories begin flooding back and she loses her energy. Her sister flies on without her, while her mind is lost in the depths of her past. It isn't until her feet touch the dusty grass that she notices. Her sister is gone.

Another girl comes along and tells her that they've missed her. They all want to know, some with genuine curiosity, some with dangerous jealousy, how they escaped. This girl says that she's seen them. She knows. She looks like this:

She tells the younger sister to remember, not in terrible, heavy misery the burdens of her past and let them take the magic from her. She's tells her to remember them and use them as fuel, as magic, glistening faerie dust. Just then, they see an entire flock of orphaned girls fly overhead and on brooms. Now, they're not witches, but they have seen powerful young women with the ability to fly in story books. They are merely imitating them. The younger sister tells the girl she needs the energy of another to fly. The girl takes both her hand sand squeezes them. They smile playfully at each other as they begin to rise right in time to join the girls in the air. They give them brooms and the sisters and reunited.

This music plays:

22 September 2008 @ 12:23 pm
    It could happen today. It could happen tomorrow. It could happen weeks, months or years from now. It is unpredictable. We are unaware of the exact moment when it will overtake us but we know it will. It is unescapable. If there is nothing else we share as humans, as biological functions, it is death. Death is the only true concept that unites us. Usually when I talk of this, fingers are pointed and accusations are made. "You're so morbid." This is what they tell me. I call myself realistic. Grounded (though not yet literally). A firm grip on reality. A reason to live. That is what death is to me. Death is my reason to live.
    I can't say my story will provide to you an anecdotal piece of writing, but it will speak my truth. What my truth is will likely differ as I experience more close deaths of those I love most. For now, however, I am making a statement about what I strongly and confidently believe in. Without getting too personal about my own  history, I will say that I love cemeteries. I love spending hours at a time surfing gore sites. All those with weak stomachs or faint hearts, please turn back. This material is not suitable for you. At the websites I visit, this warning is made explicitly clear. Images of death in it's most tragic and disturbing forms reflect from the glowing screen against my wide, white eyeballs. This used to be an exilhirating hobby of mine. When everyone else was asleep, breathing peacefully and the last light had been put out for the night, eagerlly would my fingers type. To save you from any killed curiosity that might result in what eventually happened to me, I'll not list the addresses here.
    One night during a particularly extensive viewing session, my heart and my soul told me to stop. My brain wasn't listening. Soon I was overcome with a deep, sinking, depressive feeling. I looked around the dark, shapeless kitchen and thought maybe I was just lonely. After a few sites like those, another live face and warm, intact body is the most comforting chaser. Maybe the amount of sleep deprivation I was enduring had become too much for my psyche to handle. I went to bed in hopes that the way I felt then would dissipate by morning.
    Little did I know that that night would mark the beginning of my most serious bout of depression. Upon my awakening that morning, I saw death not only in the off-white plastic skeleton hanging on my wall or in the row of tiny phosphorescent skeletons hanging from my window. I saw it in the form of me falling from my bunk bed in one half-conscious slip on the thin metal ladder and me breaking my neck. I saw it in choking on my toast. I saw it in the puddle of water on the floor from the dog's overturned dish. I saw it in the building that housed me suddenly collapsing. I didn't see my Mother smiling warmly at me to greet me to the day. I saw a grinning, toothy skull. This feeling was still with me and there was nothing I could do, it seemed, to rid myself of it. I talked with my dearest friends, I opened up to counselors, I tried to reason with myself. All of this eased what I was feeling, but nothing freshened that gruesome, rancid breath of everyone's own fragile mortality breathing down my neck that I saw everywhere I went. I want to tell you that something miraculous cured me of this mental ailment but that is not the case.
Given time, enough episodes of hysterical and heartbroken crying and enough confiding with friends and sometimes family, I sat down and did what I often do. I wrote. Nothing desciptive or very thoughtful. Big, rushed printing. Sometimes almost scribbled:
    When will I have time to live? Now. Present day. This moment. I am approaching my nineteenth year and when I encounter those on their ninetieth, I congratulate them. I applaud anyone on their birthday. 'You've made it this far,' I think. When I wrote that letter to myself and repeated over and over the same simple phrases, it was my reawakening. I truly was cured and though I continue to think about death possibly more than the average person, whoever that may be, it is lighter. It is more acceptable to me to often have it on my mind. My birthday party this year is a graveyard picnic. It is the celebration of one more year on this planet rather than in it. Yesterday, I was a rotting, oozing corpse...but it was only for theatrical purposes. I will not run from death but I will do anything but invite it. It's been months since I brought myself to a gore site. I will continue to enjoy horror and slasher films and read Anne Rice fervently. Whenever I need some relaxation time on a warm summer's day or a crisp autumn afternoon, I will still visit my favorite neighborhood cemetery.
    This story has been one of personal acceptance and freedom. I do invest a deep interest in death, in the occult, in things that may be perceived as morbid to others. I have been doing this for so long that I cannot imagine life anything else but the respect and awknowledgement of death. Now, if you'll excuse me, my favorite class begins soon. Can you guess what it is? Death and Dying.
21 September 2008 @ 10:19 am
Holy shit this is almost too much to handle:

Hey Zombie Fans,
Today is "Z Day".  I want you to know that we'll have a grill with hot dogs and cheese burgers to keep you fed, plus we'll have soda/water and snacks for everyone. Feel free to bring your own food as well.  Jeff Rockwell will be cranking up the tunes between takes and our choreographer, Jackie Bedell, will be working with everyone to get the basic moves for "Thriller" which we will shoot with an incredible light show and smoke effects after dark (which was looking pretty much the case at 6:30pm this evening)  Please avoid open toed shoes or heels just to be on the safe side.  Her Husband Mark Bedell, has been working in LA and on many TV shows and stage productions as a stun guy and special effects specialist. He will be working with you to help make it all work fast and easy.
I think you will really enjoy the small but very artistic house that we have created.  When we shoot the house attack, we will have 10 cameras rolling at the same time and we'll make sure everyone is rehearsed and comfortable.  This is about having fun for everyone not just me....  ;)  The set designer and builder is Eric Matheson who has worked on at least 50 feature films as the head shop/prop guy.  He is an amazing talent.  We also have a great production team that's ready to roll.
We will be interviewing most if not all zombies so please think on what you love zombie movies and what talent you have that you can do as a zombie.  Can you sing as Zombie?  Mime?  Karate?   You get the idea.  This will be happening around all the events going on.
I also want you to know that we will be focusing on slow zombies on this episode but fear not, we'll work you fast zombies in the next show. 
One note, we are still looking for chains, if anyone has some old or new metal or fake chains, please bring them.  We will be chaining everyone to cinderblocks for the first challenge course. (You will not really be chained of course)  The contestants will be trying to collect body parts from you while wearing a helmet that is made of large brains which you will try to get at (albeit, not too aggressive) ACTUALLY, we could use more body parts too, so bring what you can....
Remember, this is at 3:30 behind Bruno's on Allen Ave. next to The Wok Inn at the Portland Boxing Club parking lot. Please come all made up and we will keep things upbeat and fast paced so you won't be bored at all..  I respect your time and appreciate your efforts.  I hope to give cash and prizes to as many people as we can.  Since this is to also help promote our new energy drink called Zombie Blast, we will be shooting MANY zombie related events in Maine. This will be a great first effort.  You can also see some of my work for Nickelodeon on a show I animated called "Action League Now!" and a cool film I made called "Gothic Asylums" at this link http://www.groffdrtv.com/video_2.htm
Also, here is a link to the host of the show.  He totally rocks!  www.genedante.com
Please come with a great attitude and let's work together to make a great show.  We are hoping to find a network to call "ZOMBIE NATION" home.
See you soon!
Reg Groff